No slides! It's too dirty (or cold/late/dangerous)!

Sometimes observing the seemingly absurd parenting practice can teach me something.

Our family frequents the college campus. Noah on the hike, Ben stroller, or both carrying balls or butterfly nets, a walk to the "cats" cafe, a stroll to visit the turtles in the lake, or to the stairs in front of the math department to enjoy the "slides", or to climb the old trees all around campus.

We often see grandparents bringing their youngsters for a stroll. They don't live on campus, but in the surrounding neighborhood. Seeing a grandmother holding hands with three young girls, two around Noah's age, I suggested that they take a walk to the lake, "We just saw lots of fish and turtles today. The girls would like that," I said. "Oh, too dangerous! I have three kids to care for." "Oh then.. right next to that building is a small children's playground. Have you been there?" "I know, but it's too dirty. I have bathed them already. Winter time, we bath during daylight so they don't catch a cold. We'll just walk," she smiled politely and led the girls on. (Of course, like always I also got my routine questions of "Are they mixed? Where does their father come from? Do they speak English or Chinese?, blahblahblah.)

One of Noah's classmates, "Jia", is sort of hyperactive. Ben is terrified of him because every time we go to the school, he always rips Ben's toy out of his hands, sometimes he would squeeze his face just for fun. Ben even said to me, "Didi bu pa" (younger brother don't be afraid) after spotting this kid in the classroom. One time Jia told me, "This is a school of big kids. Your son should not come. He is too small!" Anyway, though usually harmless, Jia is not the most likable kid in the class. I noticed that when we have activities involving parents, his parents never showed up. He is dropped off and picked up by his grandma.

It was a beautiful day. As usual, after Ben and I picked up Noah, we went to the adjacent playground to enjoy the huge concrete slides--yes, 3 ultra-long slides made up concrete, very slippery and even thrilling for me! Not the safest or cleanest kind for sure but plenty of fun). When Jia walked by with his grandmother, he asked to go on with Noah for just a while. "Not Allowed!" she said loudly, "Grandma doesn't have time! It's late and we have to rush! Come on!" She dragged his hands and walked on.

I don't think the grandmother saw Jia's disappointed face. She is in too much of a rush, though I don't know where to. I wonder, if your parent never says hello to people, do you get to learn how to interact with others? If your going to school is seen only as a place to keep you while parents work, and your parents never participate in any activities with you at school, do you have a reason to behave nicely and be a friendly presence?

Too cold to go outside. Too dangerous to visit the lake. Too late to play with friends. Too dirty to get on the slides. What's left for a kid to do in these limited few years of her childhood?