Kramer vs. Kramer

I accidentally started watching the second half of Kramer vs. Kramer last night. The last time I saw it was when I was very young, and all I remember from it was the french toast that Dustin Hoffman and his cute blonde boy would make in the kitchen. In fact, my mom used to call french toast "Kramer vs. Kramer"; it was not a known dish in Taiwan at the time.

Watching it now brings a completely different reaction, a teary one with a new revelation. Poor Paul was scared to find me weeping on the couch after the movie was over. While I have always known the unbelievable hurt a broken relationship and divorce would bring to a vulnerable child, I suddenly realized th at the decision whether to have a child or not is less about yourself than about the new life you create and nurture.

Often I hear friends share reasons why they are not ready to have a child. It's usually the fear of losing personal time and space or the high cost of child rearing. I always casually try to convince them because of the joys and fun I personally have had being a parent (wouldn't have it any other way, the sleepless nights are nothing compared to all the joys and sense of reward of witnessing your child florish and explore the world, etc.). I also tell them that you only feel the lack of time and the stress during the first few years. This is the line of speech I use often, truly from my heart.

Seeing the movie makes me realize that when talking about whether to have a child to these friends I have not put the child in the equation. It's all about the potential parent, her time, energy, money, whatever. One would be simply irresponsible to have a child only for the reason of wanting to enjoy being a parent. What about the child? Would s/he get the love and support all little lives deserves?

Entry from Guest Blogger: 周文欣

Today Paul, Noah, Ben, and I (Ashin) set out for the neighboring town of Hsinpu 新埔 while Sylvia stayed at home. Originally we had planned for a hike in the an old goods-transportation trail called Shaotanwuo 燒炭窩 (Hakka name for a dip in the mountain), but as soon as we arrived at our first stop--Hsinpu's Yimingmiao 義民廟 (Righteous Citizens' Shrine), we were stalled by a gathering of ancestral worship featuring rows of tour buses from Taipei, the mayor of Hsinchu, legislators, and a lot of other associated food and fun.

Yimingmiao commemorates the local (Hakka) residents who helped the Manchu government to appease frequent local rebellions in the late 18th and 19th century, and has since become the locus of Hakka ancestral worship. As always, I enjoyed the casualness of such an elaborate performance--right besides the ancestral tablet towards which hundreds of people were paying obeisance (first with incense, then with fresh flowers, then with wine, then with long Hakka eulogies, firecrackers, after which we left), Paul and Noah stood observing the festivities, Ben crawled around on the floor, and I took pictures with the rest of the photographers totally blocking the tablets from view. And not a single person seemed bothered.

This simple fact of comfort means a lot to me. I guess it is only when you are not afraid of being stolen, or deprived of something that you would allow anything to happen in your space. This is a stark contrast from my picture-taking experiences in in post-cultural revolution mainland China, where in almost every old religious space stands a photo-guard and a pushy incense vendor threatening the welfare of passersby who wouldn't conform to their (newly) set standards (and rates) of worship. Often it's a two-in-one combo. Their desperate attempts to "make" a religious space is as forced as it is forceful, and whatever cultural relics they were protecting from cameras didn't seem to carry the kind open intimacy I have found on my Taiwanese gods and goddesses. I suppose these gods and ancestors have always been pretty well-loved and respected, and have no reason to fear!

To continue with the day's narrative, we then attended several roadside festivals of the butterflies. It was such a beautiful day that all the butterflies came out, and Paul, Noah and Ben just about went crazy with catching them, studying them, and releasing them one after another! We also saw several beautifully preserved/restored old Sanheyuan 三合院, which were well lived in. I can never get enough of old houses myself.

Oh and there is the preview picture of the boys with their sketch pads. We've been sketching during our hikes. More artworks to follow.

Smile

Ashin's taken some nice photos during our hiking adventures in the last few days. Here's one of them. How do you not love a smiley kid?

DIY everything

Quiz: What's DIY stand for? For those who's been in Taiwan lately, you must have seen it everywhere. DIY is a trendy concept, Do-It-Yourself. It's sort of a funny idea, mainly to lure the modern urbanites to some earthy or old, nostalgic, and ususally hands-on activities such as pottery, tea-making, and paper-making. That's fine, what's funny is when you see DIY in places such as the following:
--cover of baking soda. I guess what it implies that most people do not bake/need baking soda. It's for very special DIY fun only.
--Audiotour button at the Greenworld (an "ecological park" with plants and creatures). Does spressing a big red button and wait for the enormously loud audiotaped recording count as DIY? I guess so!

I am enjoying my little DIY blog :) Are you experiencing the fun of DIY web browing?

High school days

When I was trying to come up with a title, I thought of the word "nostalgia", as I am quite an nostalgic person, but from my understanding, the word has a positive connotation as something like looking back with sweetness. This is a "negative nostalgia": looking back with bitterness, but still wanting to look back, and still possibly finding some healing by looking back.

Today I returned to my high school in Jhongli for the first time in 16 years. With my high-school best friend and my two kids, I had the courage to visit the campus where I spent three pretty unhappy and what I considered to be oppressive years. First, to give you a sense why I think of this school with such negative thoughts and feelings, some snippets of my high-school life:

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As a class counseling leader (one of the many elected leaders in a class, supposedly in charge of the pyschological well-being of the class), I wrote in the weekly journal an analysis of why I thought the students were generally upset with and distrustful of our school. This was after seeing grafitti on many of the city buses by our school's students accusing the school administrators of receiving kickbacks. I suggested that the administration should make its financial details public so to clear itself of common accusations. I accidentally miswrote the word 財政 ('financial business') into 財敗 ('financial failure', a combination that doesn't make sense, honestly a typo, I swear). During a routine review of journals, the principal somehow saw this entry and ordered his underlings to look into it. During class time, I was called to the military officers' office to be questioned. I don't remember what happened to me, but I clearly remember one senior military officer said, "As Dr. Sun Yat-sun has well put: Students don't have freedom."

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During election time, we were gathered in assembly by various school officials to remind us to remind our parents to vote for so-and-so. I thought that was not quite the way a democratic society should function.

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Our 10th-grade English teacher would call the students only by seating numbers, a common practice at the time. Even though he knew who we were, he still addressed us by our numbers. I was "Lumber forty-four" (yes he couldn't pronunce the /n/ at the beginning of a word). One time I told him before responding to his question, "Teacher, in case you are interested, my name is Chou Wen-ying".

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My friend and I were kind of rebels, not the violent kind, just not very obedient or rule-abiding. I hated the little ribbon girls had to put around their neck, so when we were inspected upon entering campus every morning, I always made a point of showing the military officers that I had just put on the ribbon and then immediately pulled it off after inspection. This to me seems like an act of defiance, for whatever it was worth. Now looking back (as a teacher), I must have been regarded as a spoiled brat.

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One day during class, our 12th-grade Chinese literature teacher shared with us her personal feelings. She said that married daughters are simply spilled water, once out never yours again. I don't know where I got the guts to speak up against her, but I raised my hand and said to her that I didn't think it was nice of her to tell a group of graduating high-school girls that they are so lowly regarded. I said we needed to feel a sense of self worth in order to do well, and what she waid was simply her sad personal opinion which shouldn't be shared in this setting. I remember the class went into a silent gasp, and no one supported me or said anything. The teacher responded with a bitter chuckle, telling me that I was too naive and simply did't know the reality of life, "When you are older, you'll understand," she said.

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So, with these memories still clear, I went back to the school. Strangely, and much to my surprise, the campus looked good, relatively clean, modern, seemingly open, and not so oppressive. Some of the old buildings were gone and replaced by new and fancier buildings and landscaping. Pictures of students look happy and unoppressed. Everything looks just fine! Noah and Ben even got to play on the wooden swings under an arbor.

So I wonder if so much has changed in 15 years, or if my adolescent view of life was simply skewed. It left me with a strange feeling, but at least I am comforted that perhaps fewer students today feel the way I did.

Happy New Year!

Gongxi Gongxi, Happy Year of the Pig to all!

It's the first time in 15 years that I get to spend Chinese New Year in Taiwan. What festive days! Fireworks, red envelopes, scrumptious home food, and happy people young and old. And in contrast, we have a serene and almost silent college campus all to us.

We had our new year's eve gathering at the Hsu's. Hsu mama is an amazing cook, and we had a huge meal with 10+ dishes, a typical new year's eve family dinner. We then had a slumber party at my sister's. Though we all slept on the floor, we slept very well and undisturbed by the constant fireworks all through the night.

People were right, Taipei was super quiet, the only couple of days in the whole year that the city was this empty. I am comforted by the thought that some hard-working folks finally get a few days to spend with family. Though there are many who don't get a break, such as those working in large department stores, convenient stores, security guards, hospital staff, and small food vendors who feel that they cannot afford to close.

On New Year's Day, we continued festivities with a lunch and a dinner with two separate family friends. Memorable hospitality, and, food, food, more food! Even though our kids were loud and at times require interventions, I think they successfully added to the festive atmosphere desired by all.

I learned that people still observe many customs during the new year holidays. For example, every household does a thorough cleaning before the new year. That means even the dirty street next to campus looked a bit nicer for a few days. Moreover, a married daughter may not go back to her parents on the New Year; she must wait for the customary 'return to mother's house' on the next day. The superstition is that she will bring her family down ("Already relying on her parents on the first day of the year, what will be next?") In general, the idea of saying and doing auspicious things on the new year's day seems to be still observed, as whatever happens on that day is believed to imply what's to come during the year.

There are many similarities between Thanksgiving/Christmas and Lunar New Year: family reunion, thanksgiving and prayer offerings to god(s), lots of presents/red envelopes, and of course, abundant food. There are a few differences: in the West, you don't find as much superstition associated with the holidays. Also, giving presents requires a lot more planning and shopping trips than giving red envelopes.

The holidays continue for the rest of the week. Paul's back busily writing his book, and I try to arrange with some friends while playing with the boys. (I had watched them for a week by myself, so some adult conversations are welcomed.)

Wishing you a peaceful and healthy new year!

Kending Trip

About a week ago, we took a two day trip to Kending, at the end of the peninsula at the southern tip of Taiwan. Getting there was half the fun - we took the Gaotie, the new high speed rail of Taiwan. It's a version of the latest Shinkansen from Japan and gets up to 300 kilometers per hour. It makes the trip from Hsinchu to Kaohsiung in one and a half hours. One there we rented a car at a very friendly rental car company (southern hospitality?). Taking Gaotie was a good plan, as it allowed us to do other things on travel days. Otherwise, we would have just had one day to explore.

Let's run through some categories:

Who: Ashing, Ben, Noah, Sylvia, and Paul.

Food: excellent seafood, coconuts, and lianwu (wax apples, java apples). All the lianwu of Taiwan come from a few towns south of Kaohsiung, and we carried back three big boxes. The seafood was much better than Hsinchu, and we already thought that the fresh seafood in the Hsinchu area was really good. Prices were good too: we could have a lunch with lobster knock-off (a member of the lobster family which we don't know how to name), snails, fish soup, seaweed for less than NT$1000. The restaurant was a real hole in the wall, part of a not exactly thriving restaurant/shop complex within the strange rock coastal area described below.

People: Both friendlier and more easy going than the "northerners" of Hsinchu and Taipei. (Not that the latter are not friendly. Taiwan is extremely friendly overall - when people can look you in the eye, that is; in settings like behind the wheel of a car, they won't give you an inch.) Unfortunately, there is heavy smoking and betel nut chewing among the people there. Are they having trouble staying awake?

Landscape: A mix of rocky and sandy beaches. Low mountains in the center of the peninsula. Outside of tourist areas, it's very agricultural and the first uncrowded area outside of the high mountains we've seen. The tourist areas are crowded around the few sandy beaches, and though the beaches were not too crowded, some of the public places were not well cared for. One beach we spent a few hours at was disfigured by the tractors, jetskis, plastic chairs, and so forth of the (poor) people who make money providing services to tourists. See the photo of Ben sleeping on the beach. We did find one very nice beach, though, on the last day, and some places farther away from Kending proper might have been in good shape too. Another visit to a coastal area of strange rock formations (Jialeshui) was also disheartening. The rocks were indeed strange, but in a different sense so was the truck ride along the coastal road, closed to private cars, where we stopped for ten seconds at each famous strange rock which supposedly looks like something, a frog or whatever. It was a typically Taiwanese tourism experience, the task seemingly only being to get a picture of each sight. We should have spent more time and just walked along ourselves. This was my fault, as I stopped us at a mediocre (bad: trash; good: crabs, no people except cocoanut selling lady) beach along the way.

The weather. Beautiful the first and third days; intermittent rain the second. Fortunately we'd rented an umbrella (only NT$100) from one of the ladies on the disgraceful beach and could huddle under it for protections. Ashing however was trying to surf, and the rest of us enjoyed the sight of her trying to get her board out past the breaking waves. She made no progress at all in the face of the wind and waves and under the driving rain. Sisyphus came to mind. Once the weather calmed down, she did eventually get out and enjoyed some surfing.

Other activities: We visited a great acquarium - see photo of belugas (belugas! Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea!) Drove to rocky coastal area mentioned above. Visited old town with four well preserved gates. Several beaches, one with beautiful shells and coral. Took nice walk in forest park atop the small mountain a mile or so from the beach.

Where we stayed: The Kending Youth Activity Center, and old KMT era complex laid out like a Ming village. It's pretty cool! The buildings are detailed replicas of various Fujian architectural styles, and the courtyards contained tables for enjoying tea or snacks and various traditional toys. Food is served family style in a large two-story dining room, and is quite decent. We stayed in a six person room, a row of futons on tatami, and that was rather fun too.

Psychological impact: Sylvia had remembered Kending as a tropical paradise, but it turned out not quite to be that. Though the beaches are quite nice, the landscape, especially under the impact of the fairly poor residents of the area exploiting it for tourism, is not up to the level of Hawaii, say. Now that she's been to nicer beaches in Hawaii, Florida, and other places, Kending no longer seems extraordinary. We have to go there in a different frame mind, that of having the combination of fun beach - kids always love spending time at the beach, after all - Taiwanese southern hospitality, and abundent choices of great food. We have to look past the negatives, which are just the negatives of Taiwan overall, made more noticable by being set in a landscape which makes you expect a tropical resort.

Taiwan nature up close (2)

Taiwan nature up close (1)

People like our kids

People - especially groups of young people - are always wanting to take pictures with our kids. Of course our kids are cute, but it's also that they especially like mixed race kids. Here are some members of an orchestra of University students who were staying at the same place as us in Kending taking a picture with Noah.

Fashion

The high black stockings are everywhere on young women these days, with both skirts and shorts. They can look pretty bad with the wrong clothes (or the wrong legs), and this makes it obvious just how much of fashion is about looking like others, and not about looking good.

B-day at the zoo

We decided to celebrate Ben's second birthday with an impromptu trip to the Taipei zoo. It turned out to be a wonderful and cozy way to have a fun and memorable birthday. Ben seemed really happy that this trip was in his honor.

At the end, we let them each pick out a small stuffed animal. Ben picked Lion, which he named "Xin shi-zi" (New Lion), and Noah found the cutest baby penguin, which he has held since purchase, and may replace his Lamby as his favorite.

After the zoo visit, we decided to check out the nearby hill town named "Mao-kong". It was quite beautiful, with numerous tea houses overlooking the city of Taipei and surrounding mountains. After a dinner of fried rice with tea tree oil, crispy shrimp from the stream, omelet with dried turnip, and a mountain veggie, we went to have some tea. It was supposed to be a romantic and leisurely spot, but of course, with two tired and wound-up kids, it wasn't at all leisurely. Nevertheless, it was fun being in the hills overlooking the nighttimeTaipei.

Beware of scary television news!!

We don't have the TV on when the kids are around. They only watch videos/DVDs. But at 6:30pm every night Doraemon is on. For those who don't know, it's the story of a robot cat (used to be called Ding-dong Cat in Taiwan but now just by its Japanese name) and his friends. This Japanese cartoon has been popular since before my time, and the graphics are pretty cute. So some days we let them watch the half an hour cartoon.

The program is not objectionable, the problem is what follows: we actually have to watch carefully for when it ends, and, holding the remote read in hand, jump to turn it off! You cannot wait for even one more second, for you are 99% likely to watch some really really atrocious news headline before you can do anything about it. Crazy mother hanging a 4-year-old and beating her to death, boss raping an intern and posting pictures on the web, toddler left unattended in a car and accidentally started it, ended up being hit by a truck flying by.... Trust me, you don't want to hear these stories, or see images of them, much less have your children see them!

I have been outraged not so much by the craziness in the soceity (社會亂象）(as I am sure it's not unique to Taiwan), but the way the media compete to use these sensational events to get the audience's attention. This is Jerry Springer X 10!! And we are talking about 7pm news, immediately following a children's cartoon! What are these people thinking? Don't they have children? Or are they so used to it that they have become completely immune to its graphic and obscene nature? It always leaves me a gruesome memory and horrible feeling for the rest of the evening.

What to do? Knowning how much television is part of many people's lives (both in US and in Taiwan), I am even more scared of the collective impact it leaves on the society.

Mommy hit me using the door

Well, don't be alarmed. I don't generally hit kids, and certainly not using the door. But this statement, coming from Noah's mouth just now in the bath, is true.

This afternon, I opened the door without knowing that Noah's behind, and the metal door scratched Noah's foot causing a small scrape and bruise. I apologized and helped him feel better. He was okay.

Tonight Noah was punished for spitting. He was very upset at his time-out and cried for a while. When he was taken out of his punishment and into the bath, he saw his bruise and told Paul, with tears (from his time-out) in his eyes, that mommy had hit him using the door!

What a sly comment. I protested that it wasn't a fair description of what happened and he agreed.

Echo of my voice?

"You stop doing that RIGHT AWAY!"

"You are ruining your nice clothes, Ben! How can you do that?"

"I'll have to give you a spanking if you do that again!"

"BENJAMIN! Look what you have done!"

It's very alarming to hear these words coming out of Noah's mouth. I hear myself in a very annoyed voice with a whiney tone. I know he's mocking and being funny, but how come I even hear pretend anger in his voice. Gee, it surely makes me feel bad: I must have talked this way, that's why Noah will talk like this! I know it's not modeling good behavior and peace, but how can you avoid talking this way as a parent of children at 4 and 2?

People always say how you suddenly hear your mom's voice in your own speech when you become an adult, even when you do everything to avoid being like your mother. Well, I heard my own voice from my little child. It's even more alarming.

Take care, sweet lamby

I was going to write about all of our adventures in Taipei last weekend, but just didn't have the mood to do so. All of us are saddened by the lost of Noah's sweet little lamby. I am sure many of you remember him: it's Noah's favorite stuffed animal since infanthood. He took it to Hoya Kids everday at the beginning and it accompanied him to sweet dreams everyday from Arlington to California to Hsinchu. The little fuzzy lamb, which Noah used to call "Nenmy" and Ben "Yenmy", had become part of the family.

It must have fallen out of the car on to the street when I were visiting an old estate in Taipei, but three days later, A-Shing kindly went back to look for it, it was, obviously, no longer there. Lamby is gone. Paul and I blamed ourselves for accidentally letting Noah take it in the car, which we usually wouldn't allow. We didn't know how much we had grown attached to this little animal, and the thought of Noah being saddened made us sleepless that evening. How are we going to break the news to him? We had promised to get it in the car and snuggle it in his arms after he fell asleep. Now he's going to wake up without lamby and with the news that lamby is gone!

Surprisingly, Noah handled it pretty well. Of course, he was upset, and started searching all around the house for called "Lamby, lamby, where are you? Come out!" (It about broke my heart!) He was sad, and cried a little. But it's been five days now, and he seems to have finished with his 'grieving'. This is a lucky kid, with so much love to keep him comforted. I realized that Paul and I are handling it less well than Noah himself!

So take care, Lamby, wherever you are.

Taroko

We are back from a fanstastic trip to Taroko Gorge on the eastern coast of Taiwan. Together with Paul's mom, we took the train from Hsinchu to Hualien early Tuesday morning, arriving around noon. We rented a car (a last minute, absolutely correct decision), and first drove to Qixingtan, a beach of beautiful rocks washed down from the mountains and smoothed by the ocean's waves. Continuing to our hotel in Tienhsiang, we made a few stops and took a short walk to the memorial to those who died building the road. We later saw photos of the process - during the Japanese occupation and early years after the KMT arrived, thousands of men chipped away the rock by hand using hammers and crowbars. Many died.

We spent all of Wednesday exploring some of the park's trails. We were fortunate to have spectacular weather. Paul got in a short by strenuous solo hike in the early morning, and the whole family enjoyed a long, beautiful walk to Baiyang waterfall. At the end of the trail, we crossed a high suspension bridge (we're so proud of Nana for making it across), viewed waterfalls, and removed our shoes to cross a "water curtain cave", that is a cave with a heavy flow of spring water crashing down.

Thursday, after the boys slept deeply and late, we didn't have much time before we needed to catch a 1 p.m. train, but we got a short walk down the beginning part of another wonderful trail, Shakatan. We made our way down to the river and waded in looking at more beautful rocks. At our example, a large choir group from Taida came down too, and we were treated to a background of singing (although our peace was lost).

From the time we entered the gorge, we were faced with very limited choices as to where to eat. So we ended up eating every meal at the hotel (except for the one lunch of food taken out from the hotel). The hotel runs a very impressive buffet, and especially the first night we really took advantage of the quantity and variety. Breakfasts were nice too, with Chinese, Japanese, and western choices.

We must say that Toroko lives up to its reputation. It's one of the most beautiful places we've been. It seems that the Hualien area is in general quite nice, not only for what's obvious, the scenery, but also for the more relaxed - compared to the more populated areas of
Taiwan - attitude of the people and the less polluted environment.

For some more pictures, please visit our mac.com page:
http://homepage.mac.com/paulportner/PhotoAlbum26.html

This brief report respectfully submitted by Paul.