Kramer vs. Kramer

I accidentally started watching the second half of Kramer vs. Kramer last night. The last time I saw it was when I was very young, and all I remember from it was the french toast that Dustin Hoffman and his cute blonde boy would make in the kitchen. In fact, my mom used to call french toast "Kramer vs. Kramer"; it was not a known dish in Taiwan at the time.

Watching it now brings a completely different reaction, a teary one with a new revelation. Poor Paul was scared to find me weeping on the couch after the movie was over. While I have always known the unbelievable hurt a broken relationship and divorce would bring to a vulnerable child, I suddenly realized th at the decision whether to have a child or not is less about yourself than about the new life you create and nurture.

Often I hear friends share reasons why they are not ready to have a child. It's usually the fear of losing personal time and space or the high cost of child rearing. I always casually try to convince them because of the joys and fun I personally have had being a parent (wouldn't have it any other way, the sleepless nights are nothing compared to all the joys and sense of reward of witnessing your child florish and explore the world, etc.). I also tell them that you only feel the lack of time and the stress during the first few years. This is the line of speech I use often, truly from my heart.

Seeing the movie makes me realize that when talking about whether to have a child to these friends I have not put the child in the equation. It's all about the potential parent, her time, energy, money, whatever. One would be simply irresponsible to have a child only for the reason of wanting to enjoy being a parent. What about the child? Would s/he get the love and support all little lives deserves?