The guy next to me on the DCA-Dallas American Airline plane commented that “they kept making these seats smaller and tighter.” “Can they get any smaller?” “Pretty soon we’re going to have handle bars on above on the ceiling so it’ll be like city buses on these planes.”
It’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? I don’t think airplane seats have gotten increasingly smaller. I think the problem is people have gotten increasingly bigger, and we are increasingly occupying bigger spaces in our lives. Just like when I revisited my elementary school classrooms and found that the chairs and desks have been shrunken!
My flight back to Berkeley turned out to be a real fiasco with AA. Three hours after the scheduled departure time from Dallas, we learned that our flight to Oakland had been cancelled. We had to rush pass the security to the booking agents, waited in line for over an hour, and finally got rebooked. I was originally booked for a flight 16 hours later, to Orange County and than SFO, but I was really lucky in getting a stand-by seat in the evening to San Jose. Most people had to stay overnight in Dallas and get a flight to the Bay Area tomorrow. This was all because of a piece of fabric that fell out from the luggage compartment which they couldn’t fix adequately after hours! We actually sat on the runway for two hours all buckled up, waiting for this lining to be replaced. The most amazing thing is we heard almost no apology, or got any customer service. The agents are all very matter-of-factly and looked just as annoyed as the customers. Well, the day spent in Dallas airport and on flights was indeed an opportunity for mindfulness practice. I did so-so, I think. And today I so appreciate my numerous on-time trips with friendly Jetblue.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Spring break's ending
Of all the coming and going, this was the hardest good-bye for me, both because of the longest upcoming absence from home (as many as 24 message-filled rings in the paper chain, representing each night mama is away!) and because the boys gave me such a fun and memorable 9 days. Last night, reading “Do you love me mama?” with the boys made me really sad. You know, it’s the little things that you do and talk about with these guys that makes leaving them so emotional: the way they show their love and concerns of me, the way they show affections towards each other and others, and the way we together make sense of things around us. For example, we were reading about the acid rain and the atmosphere, and Noah gets into his “call to action” mode, saying that that’s why we should drive hybrid cars, walk and bike instead of drive, and then, to my great surprise, he said, “and more people should study public health to learn about these things.” I was not just surprised but alarmed: gosh, I better live up to my son’s expectations!
Ben’s got the upcoming schedule figured out: Mama is going back to Berkeley (he actually says he doesn’t like my Berkeley teachers—who keep me there writing papers-), then Popo is coming, then mama comes back, then Nana and Papa come, and then they all get to go to CA for a short visit, then we ALL come home and Mama doesn’t go to Berkeley any more, YEAHH! You can see the joy in that “yeah”, and too bad we still have two months to go until that very day. To ease my homesickness, I took a lot of their drawings, which I’ll post on my dorm room walls (they churn out so many paintings daily, especially Noah).
Lastly, please allow me to indulge on this warm feeling: As I kissed them good-bye in the car, Noah’s told me, “mama you’ve got something you on your nose. You should wipe your nose”. There’s nothing like the feeling of being taken care of by your son! I sort of think he’ll be a good parent ☺
Ben’s got the upcoming schedule figured out: Mama is going back to Berkeley (he actually says he doesn’t like my Berkeley teachers—who keep me there writing papers-), then Popo is coming, then mama comes back, then Nana and Papa come, and then they all get to go to CA for a short visit, then we ALL come home and Mama doesn’t go to Berkeley any more, YEAHH! You can see the joy in that “yeah”, and too bad we still have two months to go until that very day. To ease my homesickness, I took a lot of their drawings, which I’ll post on my dorm room walls (they churn out so many paintings daily, especially Noah).
Lastly, please allow me to indulge on this warm feeling: As I kissed them good-bye in the car, Noah’s told me, “mama you’ve got something you on your nose. You should wipe your nose”. There’s nothing like the feeling of being taken care of by your son! I sort of think he’ll be a good parent ☺
Monday, March 24, 2008
Little Yellow and Big Black
Our boys have been playing very well together lately, and their attachment to each other is more than obvious. Ben especially considers his brother not only the coolest, but in some ways Noah is a part of him, and Noah's presence makes him comfortable and "come out of his shell", as his teachers put it.
Tonight, Ben made an important milestone (at least to us): he finally pooped in the potty! He's been peepeeing in the potty well, but the big one has been slow and difficult to come by. Anyway, as promised, he gets to head out to the store to pick a toy. Upon hearing this, Noah remembers that he's been promised a knight figure if he writes 10 words. He immediately scrambles to learn to write a few more words, but of course it's impossible to successfully remember how to write words such as "Thai basil", "hot air balloon", and so on, words of his choice! He got increasingly flustered and started negotiating and bending the agreement. He really doesn't enjoy the thought of going to the stores and not getting a present while Ben gets one.
So 30 minutes of trying to learn words and lots of negotiation later, I suggested that Ben and I simply go by ourselves while Noah helps Paul garden at home. We left without letting the boys decide as we never get anywhere if we listen to everyone's opinion.
Sadly, Ben nagged the WHOLE way about wanting Noah to come along, even mentioning the fact that he should wait longer for getting his present "because I need to poopoo in the potty many many times." He was so unwilling to go without Noah. He whined about the absence of Noah's carseat beside him (it had been moved into Paul's car this morning). Even though he was excited and proud of his little accomplishment, you can tell he was just not entirely happy. He even told me that "I love Hanhan so much." It just melts my heart away, this little guy.
At the store, we browsed the toy aisles and many toys caught his eye. Interestingly enough--this is actually something I am a bit surprised by both of our kids--he never asked for anything. Finally he asked me, "which one can I bring home?" I felt kind of spoiled as a mom, and at the same time proud of these guys for not being greedy or demanding. They almost never asked for toys at the store, very strangely. Then we went by the Schleich animal collection, where he spotted some "cutie puppies" ($2 each.. good deal for me!) He immediately found this one puppy that he loved, but then as we walked on, he saw a little emperor penguin, and immediately put back the puppy preferring the penguin. He said, "I want to get this one because Hanhan loves penguins and he has a Penny." Then, upon leaving, I suggested that since he loves his brother so much, perhaps we can get him a little animal so they can play those figures together. His eyes lit up and we ran back to the animals. He decided quickly and very firmly that Noah was to have another identical emperor penguin, "because he likes penguins so much." I kept trying to tell him that it may be more fun to have variety, but his mind's made up, so we left the store with two little penguins.
He was so eager to get home to show his brother the present. He rang the door bell, and Noah answered right away; their encounter after an hour of separation was a scene to witness, with Ben eagerly presenting the penguin to Noah and Noah graciously accepts it and the two together decided on their names: Little Yellow (Xiaohuang) and Big Black (Dahei), though they are the same size! They also decided that they are penguin brothers and took them into the bath for some boating adventures.
Now they are in bed, each with their little penguin figures. The evening is the very meaning of brotherly love and affection. I hope it shall continue as they grow up :)
Tonight, Ben made an important milestone (at least to us): he finally pooped in the potty! He's been peepeeing in the potty well, but the big one has been slow and difficult to come by. Anyway, as promised, he gets to head out to the store to pick a toy. Upon hearing this, Noah remembers that he's been promised a knight figure if he writes 10 words. He immediately scrambles to learn to write a few more words, but of course it's impossible to successfully remember how to write words such as "Thai basil", "hot air balloon", and so on, words of his choice! He got increasingly flustered and started negotiating and bending the agreement. He really doesn't enjoy the thought of going to the stores and not getting a present while Ben gets one.
So 30 minutes of trying to learn words and lots of negotiation later, I suggested that Ben and I simply go by ourselves while Noah helps Paul garden at home. We left without letting the boys decide as we never get anywhere if we listen to everyone's opinion.
Sadly, Ben nagged the WHOLE way about wanting Noah to come along, even mentioning the fact that he should wait longer for getting his present "because I need to poopoo in the potty many many times." He was so unwilling to go without Noah. He whined about the absence of Noah's carseat beside him (it had been moved into Paul's car this morning). Even though he was excited and proud of his little accomplishment, you can tell he was just not entirely happy. He even told me that "I love Hanhan so much." It just melts my heart away, this little guy.
At the store, we browsed the toy aisles and many toys caught his eye. Interestingly enough--this is actually something I am a bit surprised by both of our kids--he never asked for anything. Finally he asked me, "which one can I bring home?" I felt kind of spoiled as a mom, and at the same time proud of these guys for not being greedy or demanding. They almost never asked for toys at the store, very strangely. Then we went by the Schleich animal collection, where he spotted some "cutie puppies" ($2 each.. good deal for me!) He immediately found this one puppy that he loved, but then as we walked on, he saw a little emperor penguin, and immediately put back the puppy preferring the penguin. He said, "I want to get this one because Hanhan loves penguins and he has a Penny." Then, upon leaving, I suggested that since he loves his brother so much, perhaps we can get him a little animal so they can play those figures together. His eyes lit up and we ran back to the animals. He decided quickly and very firmly that Noah was to have another identical emperor penguin, "because he likes penguins so much." I kept trying to tell him that it may be more fun to have variety, but his mind's made up, so we left the store with two little penguins.
He was so eager to get home to show his brother the present. He rang the door bell, and Noah answered right away; their encounter after an hour of separation was a scene to witness, with Ben eagerly presenting the penguin to Noah and Noah graciously accepts it and the two together decided on their names: Little Yellow (Xiaohuang) and Big Black (Dahei), though they are the same size! They also decided that they are penguin brothers and took them into the bath for some boating adventures.
Now they are in bed, each with their little penguin figures. The evening is the very meaning of brotherly love and affection. I hope it shall continue as they grow up :)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Some cross-cultural stuff
I’ve written over the past year much about Taiwan vs. US cultures, with regards to people, place, food, attitudes, weather, and everything else. Now that I am flying back and forth between coasts, I can’t help noticing East-West coast differences, which I had always heard about but never personally experienced.
I should qualify by saying that we are really talking about Berkeley vs. metropolitan DC, rather than CA in general, how representative is Berkeley to CA is unclear. Also I want to say that there are of course many exceptions to these characterizations, especially when it comes to individuals. Plus both places are so highly transient—more than half of the people I interact with are not natives of either place in fact. I am making generalizations based on the atmosphere and the styles of people I interact with.
Atmosphere: Berkeley is definitely more relaxed in its feel. You can see that with people’s clothing choices, greeting styles, grocery store conversations, neighbors’ relationships, and in class, the long-time Cal professor’s self-positioning, as being interested in the subject matter but not too obsessed with it. Whether they are actually more relaxed is another question. Some of it, I think, is giving the appearance of being relaxed and laid back. On the other hand, DC is more formal, colder (literally as well), generally more reserved.
Food: Burritos, big and elaborate salads, and non-mainstream vegetables are more common in Berkeley than in DC. There are 10 times more cafes in Berkeley with high-quality, fresh, and cheaper coffees. On the other hand, DC has a lot more upscale formal restaurants.
People: Of course Berkeley has something like 50% Asian students, so I definitely feel less marked in Berkeley than at Georgetown or north Arlington. In fact, in DC I feel more like a minority whereas in Berkeley completely mainstream, at least in look.
Faith traditions: There are a lot of Buddhist and Hindu establishments in Berkeley. Zen, Tibetan, Therevada, you name it..
On the streets: the homeless folks on the streets of Berkeley seem to be treated with less disgust. Near the “gourmet ghetto” area where my sister lives, you can often see residents chatting with those on the streets or buy them (Peet’s!) coffees.
What’s most interesting is people have quite definitive opinions or where they prefer to live. While some New Yorkers and other east-coasters call themselves “naturalized Californians” who can never return to the east, some feel that “Something is just note quite right in California. I am going back sooner or later.” As for the Californians, the predominant view, from my qualitative survey, is that “This is totally home. How can I ever go anywhere else!” They cite the food, nature, yoga, family and friends, the atmosphere, and the weather—though they also complain when it’s in the lower 50s and cloudy—this drives me crazy when I know it’s only in the 30s back home.
I should qualify by saying that we are really talking about Berkeley vs. metropolitan DC, rather than CA in general, how representative is Berkeley to CA is unclear. Also I want to say that there are of course many exceptions to these characterizations, especially when it comes to individuals. Plus both places are so highly transient—more than half of the people I interact with are not natives of either place in fact. I am making generalizations based on the atmosphere and the styles of people I interact with.
Atmosphere: Berkeley is definitely more relaxed in its feel. You can see that with people’s clothing choices, greeting styles, grocery store conversations, neighbors’ relationships, and in class, the long-time Cal professor’s self-positioning, as being interested in the subject matter but not too obsessed with it. Whether they are actually more relaxed is another question. Some of it, I think, is giving the appearance of being relaxed and laid back. On the other hand, DC is more formal, colder (literally as well), generally more reserved.
Food: Burritos, big and elaborate salads, and non-mainstream vegetables are more common in Berkeley than in DC. There are 10 times more cafes in Berkeley with high-quality, fresh, and cheaper coffees. On the other hand, DC has a lot more upscale formal restaurants.
People: Of course Berkeley has something like 50% Asian students, so I definitely feel less marked in Berkeley than at Georgetown or north Arlington. In fact, in DC I feel more like a minority whereas in Berkeley completely mainstream, at least in look.
Faith traditions: There are a lot of Buddhist and Hindu establishments in Berkeley. Zen, Tibetan, Therevada, you name it..
On the streets: the homeless folks on the streets of Berkeley seem to be treated with less disgust. Near the “gourmet ghetto” area where my sister lives, you can often see residents chatting with those on the streets or buy them (Peet’s!) coffees.
What’s most interesting is people have quite definitive opinions or where they prefer to live. While some New Yorkers and other east-coasters call themselves “naturalized Californians” who can never return to the east, some feel that “Something is just note quite right in California. I am going back sooner or later.” As for the Californians, the predominant view, from my qualitative survey, is that “This is totally home. How can I ever go anywhere else!” They cite the food, nature, yoga, family and friends, the atmosphere, and the weather—though they also complain when it’s in the lower 50s and cloudy—this drives me crazy when I know it’s only in the 30s back home.
Monday, March 17, 2008
News from biostat prof
As I stumbled into the biostat class, having gotten up before six and flown for six hours during which I worked non-stop, I was so tired and not ready for a difficult lecture. The professor, Dr. Selvin, cleared his throat, "Hmmm let's get started." I didn't even bother to look up. Then he said, "I have a very important announcement to make." I was like, probably the textbook is out on Amazon or something. "I became a grandfather over the weekend," he said with a proud smile. The whole class cheered and clapped! What a happy moment I got to share with this guy! Then he wrote the boy's full name on the blackboard and passed out these bubble-gum cigars to the entire class. What a sweet grandfatherly gesture. I can tell he could barely contain himself with the joy! What's funny is that his daughter, the mother of the baby, also Dr. Selvin, is a epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins, is probably my NCI colleagues' professor over in Baltimore!
A classmate asked him what he plans to be called. He said he grew up (presumably in berkeley) calling his parents by their first names, but he doesn't anticipate this practice to fly in the east coast!
What a great way to wake me up to hear a lecture. I actually appreciated and paid attention to the lecture more after he showed a very human side.
A classmate asked him what he plans to be called. He said he grew up (presumably in berkeley) calling his parents by their first names, but he doesn't anticipate this practice to fly in the east coast!
What a great way to wake me up to hear a lecture. I actually appreciated and paid attention to the lecture more after he showed a very human side.
Are you going along, or alone?
Last night, for the first time, Paul and I together discovered a non-nativeness in my English! Aghhh… I can’t believe I’ve managed to conceal it for all these years! It’s the difference between “along” and “alone”, “loan”, “lawn”, “long”, “wrong” vs. “Ron”, all those ridiculously similar-sounding words! By speaking fast, I managed to cause minimal confusion, but when I tried to break them apart phonetically and phonologically, it was close to impossible! So now my English-speaking friends will have fun “catching” my pronunciation of these words! And I think Paul had a great time trying to teach me the exact differences between along and alone, with a lot of jargons from phonology. (Usually it’s the other way around with me trying to demonstrate the Chinese tones and sounds…)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Harden not your heart...
This last week has been quite an interesting personal journey, in many ways. During an impromptu visit to the Green Gulch, the dharma talk theme was compassion, and we did a 10-verse chant to Kanzeon (Japanese), or in Chinese-Kuanyin (I used to know the translation to be “the Goddess of Mercy”). What never occurred to me was that the Boddhisadva “Guan-shi-yin” literally means “observe/perceive all of the world’s sounds”, that is the capacity to see, hear, experience the voices and suffering of all beings, the true meaning of compassion. Rather than chanting or praying to some particular being outside of ourselves, in invoking the name of Kanseon, we are evoking our own inner capacity to be open-minded and compassionate. It’s interesting that I learn the meanings of these obvious Chinese words through English!
I have been reflecting on this idea for the last week. And yesterday, at the seminar, this (“modern-Schweitzer”) orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Richard Gosselin, came to talk to us about his work in Africa, in particular, currently in Sierra Leone, a war-torn country with literally two surgeons left as all those with means had fled. His primary focus is on injuries (road crashes) in the developing countries, which turned out to be not only the #1 cause of death in children, tremendous all-around impact due to the lack of treatment and surgeries, but the number of crashes is growing exponentially due to the increase in vehicles and roads. He showed pictures of 60+ men cramming inside and climbing on top of a van which has no break and a flat tire, traveling hundreds of miles to get work that pays them less than $1 a day. He showed graphic pictures of trauma, at which point all the non-doctors in the room turned our heads away from the screen. I simply couldn’t look at raw flesh and lost limbs left untreated.
Dr. Gosselin talked about both the global burden of disease and his years of personal experience working in Africa. He retired very early and has been spending 3-4 months in SF with his wife while spending the other 8 months in Sub-Saharan Africa doing surgeries and working to convince the WHO and foundations the importance of injury prevention in developing countries—though most of them, upon hearing the words “injury” or “surgery” turned away thinking it’s just too expensive when in fact it’s not more than vaccines and other interventions when you do a cost-effectiveness analysis. In spite of the gross underlying emotions during the talk, our discussion stayed on a very scientific level, showing data, problems, potential solutions, etc.
In my mind, this phrase from the Bible kept surfacing: Harden not your heart. How do we keep a soft and compassionate heart and while functioning as a scientist or politician or whatever we do? When physicians are told to detach themselves from their patients, researchers from their object, when soldiers sense that the civilians in the enemy countries are not “like us”, do their hearts harden? Sometimes it may be necessary. Nevertheless, personally, this phrase rings powerfully.
I have been reflecting on this idea for the last week. And yesterday, at the seminar, this (“modern-Schweitzer”) orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Richard Gosselin, came to talk to us about his work in Africa, in particular, currently in Sierra Leone, a war-torn country with literally two surgeons left as all those with means had fled. His primary focus is on injuries (road crashes) in the developing countries, which turned out to be not only the #1 cause of death in children, tremendous all-around impact due to the lack of treatment and surgeries, but the number of crashes is growing exponentially due to the increase in vehicles and roads. He showed pictures of 60+ men cramming inside and climbing on top of a van which has no break and a flat tire, traveling hundreds of miles to get work that pays them less than $1 a day. He showed graphic pictures of trauma, at which point all the non-doctors in the room turned our heads away from the screen. I simply couldn’t look at raw flesh and lost limbs left untreated.
Dr. Gosselin talked about both the global burden of disease and his years of personal experience working in Africa. He retired very early and has been spending 3-4 months in SF with his wife while spending the other 8 months in Sub-Saharan Africa doing surgeries and working to convince the WHO and foundations the importance of injury prevention in developing countries—though most of them, upon hearing the words “injury” or “surgery” turned away thinking it’s just too expensive when in fact it’s not more than vaccines and other interventions when you do a cost-effectiveness analysis. In spite of the gross underlying emotions during the talk, our discussion stayed on a very scientific level, showing data, problems, potential solutions, etc.
In my mind, this phrase from the Bible kept surfacing: Harden not your heart. How do we keep a soft and compassionate heart and while functioning as a scientist or politician or whatever we do? When physicians are told to detach themselves from their patients, researchers from their object, when soldiers sense that the civilians in the enemy countries are not “like us”, do their hearts harden? Sometimes it may be necessary. Nevertheless, personally, this phrase rings powerfully.
Friday, March 07, 2008
A passage I like, taken from Wisdom of the Desert by Thomas Merton
A brother asked one of the elders: What good thing shall I do, and have life thereby? The old man replied: God alone knows what is good. However, I have heard it said that someone inquired of Father Abbot Nisteros the great, the friend of Abbot Anthony, asking: what good work shall I do? And that he replied: Not all works are alike. For scripture says that Abraham was hospitable and God was with him. Elias loved solitary and God was with him. And David was humble, and God was with him. Therefore, whatever you see your soul to desire according to God, do that thing, and you shall keep your heart safe.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Barracuda's eating time!!
I am working hard in a cafe as usual, and in comes this mommy with a cute baby. Babies are the best distractions--they not only make me smile but as I pause I remember to stretch my arms and rotate my wrists. Normally, a quick adoration is enough and I go back to my work. But as the mommy lifts her shirt, the baby started kicking and waving anxiously and happily showing her happiness: FEEDING TIME YEAH! Seeing a happy nursing baby just blows me away. It's just so beautiful, one of the most natural and happiest moment in humanity. I am getting really nostalgic, remembering my little barracudas rooting for the breast!
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Was I still not born yet?
Talking about trying not to feel any guilt as a parent... On one level, I know that since we love each child equally and dearly, we don't have to worry about the differences they experience due to their birth orders. Noah was born first, and the emotions of the parents were quite different from when the second child came along. And being the little one, Ben's always had the love and fun of having us parents as well as a big brother, whom he simply adores. So life blesses them with different treats, not one is better or more special than the other.
But over the weekend when we were watching the DVDs of Noah as a baby, I did feel some guilt. There were two DVDs that we made for Noah's babyhood, and the second one--the last DVD we had made--ended with a picture of newborn Ben wrapped in hospital blanket!! As we were watching, the boys were of course intrigued, and from time to time, Ben would wonder, "Was I still not born yet?" "Is that when I was a baby?" After saying no a number of times, I felt terrible! Paul and I scrambled to put together a DVD that had the last few months with lots of Benjamin in it! Some day we have to dig up the Ben-as-baby footages so we have something to show his wife!
When I think about our wonderful year in Taiwan, I also feel kind of bad that Noah has had a much more vivid and interesting memory of Taiwan than Ben. He remembers his school friends, the exciting trips we took, the bugs, the butterflies, the hot springs, the food, and the campus we lived in. Ben, on the other hand, has a much vaguer memory of the year. In addition, Noah's Chinese is quite solid, while Ben's, though originally much more native-like (partially because he basically learned Chinese before English), is getting rusty with me being gone and no regular exposure possible. All of these make me wish I could somehow "make it up" to little Ben.
But I am comforted by the way he looks up to Noah--every sentence of his now ends with "RIGHT, HANHAN?" soliciting Noah's (Hanhan) agreement or input--that he has the gift of a wonderful big brother, something he is very proud of and comforted by.
But over the weekend when we were watching the DVDs of Noah as a baby, I did feel some guilt. There were two DVDs that we made for Noah's babyhood, and the second one--the last DVD we had made--ended with a picture of newborn Ben wrapped in hospital blanket!! As we were watching, the boys were of course intrigued, and from time to time, Ben would wonder, "Was I still not born yet?" "Is that when I was a baby?" After saying no a number of times, I felt terrible! Paul and I scrambled to put together a DVD that had the last few months with lots of Benjamin in it! Some day we have to dig up the Ben-as-baby footages so we have something to show his wife!
When I think about our wonderful year in Taiwan, I also feel kind of bad that Noah has had a much more vivid and interesting memory of Taiwan than Ben. He remembers his school friends, the exciting trips we took, the bugs, the butterflies, the hot springs, the food, and the campus we lived in. Ben, on the other hand, has a much vaguer memory of the year. In addition, Noah's Chinese is quite solid, while Ben's, though originally much more native-like (partially because he basically learned Chinese before English), is getting rusty with me being gone and no regular exposure possible. All of these make me wish I could somehow "make it up" to little Ben.
But I am comforted by the way he looks up to Noah--every sentence of his now ends with "RIGHT, HANHAN?" soliciting Noah's (Hanhan) agreement or input--that he has the gift of a wonderful big brother, something he is very proud of and comforted by.
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