A very Berkeley school

I had coffee with the mother of an ex-classmate of Noah's from Hoya Kids. They have moved back to their permanent home in Berkeley from DC after a few years of traveling back and forth. (Once you start talking to people, my frequent trans-continental trips don't seem as bad or strange! Plenty of people have to deal with it!) I always thought this friend was very special. When having a conversation, she looks at you in a very unique way, almost INTO you, with a lot of facial feedback and nods. At first it was a little too much as I was not used to people paying such close attention to my words, but once you get used to it, you sort of wish you had a professor like her, who really listens intently and seems so empathetic.

When I asked about her daughter's current school, she shared about how totally different it is from Hoya Kids. The only adjective she used was, "It's.... just very Berkeley." It's hard to define it. Basically, it's very loosely structured, or perhaps no structure at all; it's very racially diverse, including having a few male teachers; it encourages risk taking and conflict resolution, and it lets the children decide on all activities; it embraces all kinds of outdoor explorations (well, if not for Berkeley's all-year-round perfect weather). So you see barefoot kids on the playground, some doing seemingly dangerous maneuvers, some getting into a heated argument, and the teachers resist intervening as much as they can, with the goal to teach the children to solve the problems on their own. So one can imagine that at times you get a pretty chaotic scene, with a lot of young and rather immature adventure-seekers, something you would never ever see at Noah and Ben's current school, which we have found to be quite subdued and peaceful.

For example, my friend observed a child telling another child, "You can't play with us. We don't like to be your friends." As a surprise to her, the teacher did not intervene, but instead went over to tell the hurt child to express to her "insulter" her genuine feelings and reactions to such comment. Then she slowly guides them to reconciliation. I believe in most schools, including Noah's class, if the teacher hears such a comment, he/she would immediately tell the insulter to apologize, "You can not talk like that to your classmate." In some situations, a time-out may be ordered.

I wonder about the impact of the style of early childhood education on children. I am sure it has tremendous influence on a child's behavior and thought process-- you can just compare Taiwan and US preschoolers and see the different students they turn up. However, I do believe that the family context first and foremost shapes the way children are. And I also believe in the resilience of most children, so hopefully one way of education doesn't permanently affects or impedes their lifelong learning process. What's funny is that I bet most parents have a firm idea of what a good or even 'correct' way to raise/teach a child.