The Ma's (pseudonym) are are old-time family friends dating back to our grandparents days. I had many fond memories of being with different Ma family members all throughout my life in Taiwan as a child and teenager. The "little ones", whom we played with regularly, were Noah and Ben's age, now ready to take the college entrance exams! And I adored the aunties, who were my age at the time.
So naturally I have been wanting to visit them after being away for 15 years. I've wondered why my mom doesn't initiate the meeting. One thing I did learn is that they are not doing well financially, and there's been some unhappy things happening in the family.
But in either case, I am eager to see them and catch up. Talking to the aunties on the phone felt like it was just yesterday that we talked. Their voices were familiar and sweet. I was looking forward to seeing them and showing them my husband and kids.
Well, guess what? As Mom predicted, Grandma M. insisted that we be treated to a fancy dinner-which will cost a fortune and potentially leaves little time and space for personal conversations. Why? Why can't we just visit with one another? Why can't we just go for a hike and just eat noodles? Why always a banquet which makes everyone uncomfortable and some guilty? This is very Chinese. I know that and I am sorry to say that I find it annoying.
The gesture of hosting sometimes requires "Slapping the face to pretend to be fat"打腫臉充胖子. It's about FACE. Your face. My face. Big presentable meals. Guilt. Politeness. It gets in the way of getting to know someone and to engage with someone more deeply. It's superficial, but must be done.
All of a sudden, a pizza party with beers where nobody feels the pressure sounds like a great idea.
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